Written by Hannah Worsley – Country To Canberra Teen Blogger
In this post, I don’t mean to demean anyone, and I don’t mean to stereotype on the basis of gender. Both men and women get catcalled, both men and women catcall, and it is never okay. What I intend to highlight is that there are underlying patriarchal values in the way we talk about the specific issue of men catcalling women.
Lately, I’ve been seeing a whole lot of stuff about catcalling. I say “stuff” because there’s a lot of variety – everything from posters, to Facebook statuses, to videos. With that, there has been a lot of debate which has been making me feel increasingly uneasy. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that discussion and a variety of beliefs on all topics is important.
The problem I have with this discussion is that it isn’t a reasoned one.
The problem I have with this discussion is that it’s a perfect example of men feeling entitled to women and expecting those women to appreciate them for doing so.
The problem I have with this discussion is that the catcallers who describe themselves as “nice guys” are the first ones to turn around and spit out insults and profanities when the woman they catcall doesn’t show them appropriate appreciation.
It’s the main justification that these people have for catcalling that seems worryingly patronising, bordering on sexist. It seems that being raised in a patriarchal society has created a sense of male entitlement and superiority. Commonly, justification goes something along the lines of “I meant it as a compliment” and because that man meant it as a compliment, it was one, and it should be received as one, regardless of the woman’s feelings, because the man is always right. The issue here is that often the perception of the catcaller and that of the victim are very different.
“I froze. I felt my heart beating so fast, I was really scared.” (Catcall victim)
“Stupid cow needs to learn to take a ?!$?! compliment.” (“Nice guy” catcaller)
“I just wanted to walk home in peace. My body isn’t there for the enjoyment of the men I walk by.” (Catcall victim)
“I’m a nice guy. If I see something I like, I should be allowed to compliment it.” (“Nice guy” catcaller. He even tells us, just in case we didn’t realise.)
The above “nice guy” quotes are taken from actual comments on Facebook articles and there’s a lot more where that came from. Scarily, the quotes from catcall victims are taken from university friends. People I work and study and party with every day.
But back to this idea of catcalling as a form of compliment. The definition of compliment is “a polite expression or implication of praise” (Oxford Dictionary, 1969). This definition implies that the receiver should probably appreciate what they hear. So generally, if the receiver does not feel complimented, it’s not really a compliment. In fact, if the receiver goes so far as to say “I was really scared”, then it’s most definitely not a compliment. Furthermore, the compliment can’t have been given with the best of intentions if within 30 seconds you can berate the same person for their lack of what you see as appropriate acknowledgement. The fact is, most women feel threatened, embarrassed and uncomfortable when catcalled. Making lurid comments about a woman’s body and expecting her to feel flattered simply because that’s the way YOU think she should respond is not okay.
So that’s the problem I have with catcalling and the way people discuss it. There’s no respect for women, their bodies, and their feelings. We tell them that their bodies are nice (as if they need validation from others), we tell them that they’re silly for feeling unsafe or scared when it’s just a compliment (because women always overthink), and then we tell them that they must respond tastefully (because women must always be kind and demure, and appreciate what men do for them). Maybe we should stop telling and start listening, because catcalling and compliments are not synonymous.